Toddler tantrums

Why Do Children Have Tantrums?

A tantrum is an intense reaction to frustration, anger, or disappointment. During this episode, the child displays solid emotions and may become physically aggressive, ranging from screaming and crying to kicking, hitting, or throwing themselves on the floor.

Most tantrums last only a few minutes and pass once the child gets what they want; they calm down. They can occur in public or private, in a toy store, in the car, or at home. Almost all children will have tantrums at some time in their lives. It's a pretty standard part of child development. Tantrums are common among toddlers and pre-schoolers. The usual age for a child to begin having temper tantrums is between one and three years, although it varies from one child to another. Most children stop having them as they enter school, usually after age four. They are less common among older children but sometimes still have tantrums.

Specific situations or circumstances often trigger toddler tantrums. Children who don't yet have the language skills to express their feelings might have more tantrums than other children do. On the other hand, even older children who can talk often will have a tantrum because they don't know how to express their feelings any other way.

Common causes for tantrums include:

• fatigue or hunger
• feeling uncomfortable
• experiencing significant changes, such as toilet training or starting day-care
• being over-stimulated by noise, crowds, or too many activities
• lack of sleep
• being unable to communicate wants and needs
• frustration about not being able to do or get something
• feeling powerless or out of control
• delayed or frustrated in reaching a goal

How to Deal with Tantrums

Toddler tantrums can be frustrating, but don't let them get the best of you. Remember that it is a normal part of growing, but there are ways to help you deal with them! Here are helpful tips on how to handle tantrums.

Stay calm

Even though it might be difficult, try staying calm and remember that your child's tantrums are not personal. They express their frustration about not being able to meet their needs or not getting what they want. While it may seem impossible to keep your child cool when acting out, try to do so. Maintaining calm during tense situations will prevent an escalation.

Learn what triggers tantrums.

It can be helpful to step back and examine a toddler's behaviour from their perspective when they throw a tantrum that won't stop. You can avoid meltdowns by finding out what triggers your toddler's tantrums. If your child gets upset with you whenever you go to the grocery store because they want something, you can distract them, perhaps with a special toy or book.

Don't give in

When faced with tantrums, the best action is to ignore them. Please resist the temptation to give in to their demands, even if it will make them stop crying immediately. This action reinforces the behaviour and teaches them that throwing a tantrum is an effective way to get what they want. Accepting the temper will reinforce the behaviour and make your child more likely to have another tantrum. It's okay if you've given in before -- remember that every time is a fresh start!

Give your child some space.

If you can do so safely, leave the room while your child has a tantrum. This will give them some space to cool off. It will also prevent them from hurting themselves even more by falling or hitting their heads on something hard. You can bring your child into another room if they're old enough to walk there on their own and tell them they need to calm down before they come out again.

Try distraction

If your child is upset and crying because they dropped food on the ground, try to distract them immediately with another activity, such as pointing out to sceneries in the park or suggesting going on the slide at the playground. This might help divert their attention away from what is upsetting them.

Praise good behaviour

Acknowledge good behaviour - this isn't just 'good parenting,' it also helps your child feel loved and appreciated even without tantrums. Praise them for listening, being patient, and helping around the house. You reinforce the positive consequences of good behaviour when you praise them. Apart from verbal praise, give your child a hug or a high five when they do well. Your child will learn to get attention without throwing a fit.

Talk about feelings

Sometimes children have tantrums because they don't know how to express frustration. Educating your children about emotions can help them better understand themselves, helping them avoid acting out in the future. Teach them to express their emotions in words. Listen attentively and let them identify the feeling for themselves rather than labelling it as 'good' or 'bad'. Feelings are neither good nor bad - but how we express them is essential.

Handling Tantrums in Public Places

Find the best place to wait it out. Stay away from areas where there are other children or adults. Look for a quiet place where your child can't hurt themselves. Stay nearby but wait to talk to your child until they calm down. You should not give in to your child's demands, but you should also not ignore them. If you need to get your child's attention, crouch down at their level, look at your child directly, and say their name before speaking. If the tantrum continues, tell your child they will get what they want once it stops.

As soon as your child calms down, get down at eye level with your child, make eye contact, then calmly tell them what they need to do: 'I know you're upset about having to wait, but hitting is not okay.' Ask them to apologise for the behaviour. Then you can explain that tantrums are unacceptable, such as 'We don't throw toys around here,' and suggest a better way to handle anger: 'Whenever you're angry, I want you to use your words.'

See a Paediatrician If Tantrums Are Severe

Most children will 'grow out' of tantrums as they develop better- coping mechanisms and learn that acting out won't work. A tantrum can be an outburst, but others are violent enough to cause injury to the child or those around them. Tantrums that are frequent or severe can suggest an underlying condition (such as autism) that needs to be addressed.